clouds.

It’s a strange time right now.  Feeling stuck between some great thing and some mediocre one that is quite comfortable.  You can definitely feel the unknown out there, but it’s a nice feeling especially for that girl who gets bored easily.  I have a lot to work on, but I find myself so often thinking that I’m not sure what to do next.  It’s especially difficult when it comes to inspiration – “I just don’t feel inspired to write now…”  I was asked to officiate my brother’s wedding and I’ve been working on writing up a little suggested ceremony.  I need a moment of perfect inspiration to create anything worth standing up in front of friends and family…especially given the gravity of the occasion.

On top of that, it’s cloudy today.  A brief moment in the long summer’s burning.  But it makes me feel drowsy and slow.  It’s a familar feeling.  I’m excited and scared and I feel that in my stomach.  I’m bored and sleepy – somehow simultaneously with the other feeling.  Not sure how that works but it creates a buzzing inside me that is frustrating and welcomed at once.  I think I’ve lived most of my life this way.

I tend to make it worse. I’ll latch on to some bizarre, unlikely to happen possibility and focus on that for an hour.  It passes the time, ensures the buzzing continues and makes me feel sick.

I wonder what’s next. And what comes after that.

“Tension makes your life worthwhile.” I suppose.

 

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